Friday, March 12, 2010

Rain and Children

Its sooo wet today. But I love the rain. It freshens everything up and leaves the air feeling clean and crisp. At least in winter and spring here. And along with the rain came a very welcome day of staying indoors with Fraggot, just watching TV and some old movies. Its nice to just be with the one you love, when the rain is softly falling out doors and the wind is whisking by. We saw this very, very cute child on TV. He was adorable. I've always known that I want to have a child, but I had never brought up the topic with Fraggot before. And before I could even say how cute I thought this child was, Fraggot sits up and looks at me and asks, "Do you think you'll ever want a kid?". I decided to play it cool and just shrugged, said maybe, and asked if he did. "Hell yeah I do. I want a boy. I want someone to shoot with, teach to play football and baseball if he wants, and go dirt bikin' with. And, when he gets older I'll always let him use my car for dates with his girlfriends" etc. etc... He went on for like 15 minutes about what all he would do with his son. I don't think I ever realized how much I loved Fraggot before that exact moment. I mean, I knew he was a great guy, I knew that I did love him, but for a few minutes we got past the immature college/frat lifestyles he and I lead, and I got to see him as he could be. I then told him that I really, really do want a child or children. He and I talked for like an hour about how much fun it would be to be dads. And then he looked at me, really seriously, and said, "You know, I really, really, really love you." And the queen in me (which hardly ever comes out) exploded. I started crying, and he started laughing at me. And then he just kissed me, softly, and held my hand. Life sucks though. He's still going to Italy, and I would never ask him not to go, he needs to never regret not going. We've talked about it and we're going to try to do the long distance thing, but that just seems a little too long distance. We've discussed me going over this summer, or him only staying for half of the next school year. We'll have to see how things work out I guess. But I want the whole world to know that I LOVE SCOTT (Fraggot, yeah, I know I haven't used his name yet). Anywho, that's that. Off to bed loves!

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