Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Class is Lost

I was always raised to be an exemplary person. Hold doors for ladies, 'yes sir' 'no ma'am', 'two lumps with milk?', but today you just don't find many people who have any sort of manners. For instance, people in my classes, they yawn with their mouths wide open, no hand covering them, they talk when others are presenting (even when the professor is teaching) and I'm not talking about whispering, they straight up talk, and there are those people who just do everything in a personal and selfish manner. I'm not a snob, but do lets try to walk on the right side of the walkway, or not eat with your mouth open at a table in public. No one wants to see you masticate.

Fraggot is always getting onto me about this. He says that I'm too old fashioned, that I should just understand that people these days don't really care how others percieve them, and (the ultimate issue for him) I should stop my bitching because it is equally as rude. I think my bitching is just an unfortunate reaction of being well bred around rude people, and that it is as unavoidable as catching a cold from someone yawning or coughing without covering their mouth (see, there are reasons one does this).

But maybe I should try to give up my discomfort with rudeness. Perhaps I should just try to let myself slip into the murky waters of uncultured-ness and slide along with the others who live their days as sloppy messes.

I think not!

Friday, March 19, 2010

Puppy Dog Eyes

Oh the horny world of college gays. I myself have never been a very horny person. I don't think its a sign of being well bred. Granted of course I have had many moments when I fancied hooking-up with a guy, but I've never run around to guys of all sorts looking for someone to sleep with, or dressing like a tramp to attract guys for sex. Unfortunately however, living in a small city, running into this type is unavoidable. So, I finally got Fraggot to go to the gay bar. We were sitting in a corner at a table, he had his arm around me, and I was sort of cozied into him. We very much looked like a respectable couple of any sorts just out for a night of fun, and time to be together. When up bounces this freshman looking, tramped up boy, ass tight jeans on, shirt sort of lifted to above his belly button showing off his abs (oh how I hate that other people have abs!!). I knew what was coming for my poor Fraggot. This little, poorly bred boy, jumped over to our table and sat, SAT right next to Fraggot and put his face right up to his. Smiling with puppy dog eyes and breathing alcoholic breath all over us, he started hitting on Fraggot. I looked over with raised eye brows (the queen was rising in my chest lol) and looked at him. Fraggot very calmly and nicely explained that he was in a rather committed relationship with me. The boy finally looked over at me. "Ohhhhh... with him? But you're sooo hot". The boy looked up at Fraggot, leaned in and kissed him. Before I could even take in a sharp breath to let out on this boy, Fraggot jumped up and pushed him to the floor. "Dude, I told you, I'm with him. I am not looking for a trashy, littly queen to run around with. So take you're little, immature ass and get OUT of my boyfriend's space".

Now, if you're reading this and you're not gay, let me tell you, most fights in gay bars are handled by screaming queens, with very fem voices and very gay choices of words. So, with my boyfriends strong, manly voice (lol) everyone stopped and looked. The boy was on the ground, and as a dutifull queen, broke into hysterical sobs. Fraggot looked around, sat next to me, put his arm around me, looked back at the boy, and then pulled me into one of the most passionate kisses we've had out of bed haha. The queens at the bar started to clap and cheer, shouting out some nasty things. When the boy walked over to the bar the queens just laughed at him. Paying the bill at the bar that night, Fraggot got some compliments for his handling of the situation, and I got a few jealous remarks from guys who would just love to have a Fraggot like mine.

Special night. Rates high on my list of favorite nights of my life.

Monday, March 15, 2010

Jumping Ahead is NEVER a Good Thing

So, going back to school is always hard after vacation. ESPECIALLY when your first day comes right after day light savings. I've never understood why we continue to torture ourselves with that mess. I mean, we're not doing it for usable daylight hours to work in dimly lit factories anymore, and the excuse that it saves energy is laughable, while most of us keep lights, fans, tvs, computers, and a plethora of otherthings running all day long, in rooms we don't visit. So lets just all vote to end day light savings. Well, we can keep the falling back one I guess. Though that does make the jumping forward one necessary doesn't it? Well, anywho. This whole time change thing wrecked my day.

Waking up to a fresh cup of coffee right before heading into work is one of life's little bright spots for me. There are two conditions to it happening though. Notice I said "waking up to", that requires someone to have made it for me. While my mother doesn't live with me, that naturally leaves... you guessed it, the one and only, spectacular Fraggot. Happily he was with me this morning, though recall we were in the mountains. And we had to be back by the time I had to be at work (we're young, we figured rushing back to our lives wouldn't be hard), but because we were on vacation we forgot about freeking day light savings. And therefore woke up an hour late. With no time for coffee, we dashed to the car, Fraggot carrying all the luggage at once still in his night wear, just pj bottoms (the sight of his muscles carrying that luggage made me forget about any stupid work schedule lol). Jumping in the car, I threw him a shirt and a sweater, and off we dashed. Luckily we had cleaned up and packed the night before.

Driving swiftly down the highway through a small town, we were naturally pulled over by a hick policeman. Explaining to him that we had just vacationed in the mountains and had to be back to our city at a certain time, he began to look at us funnily. "Just you two? On vacation? Together?" At which point Fraggot got very upset looking and said, "Yes, we're gay. Can we please have a ticket or be on our way officer?". The cop gave a grunt, and said, "Oh yes sir you're gettin' a ticket all right". Maybe it was only because we are gay, but I tend to believe it was because Fraggot against my warnings was driving 60 in a 35. After waiting another 20 mins, we were finally back on the road. Rushing again down the interstates. He swerved into my office parking lot just 1 1/2 hours after I was supposed to be there. Gave me a kiss and a slap on the ass and then sped away, probably to go to bed.

Work after all that was a dreadfull, dreadfull disaster, as I was exhausted beyond measure. And then, ontop of all that I had a ton of work. Just one hour's differance in my day made it a living hell.

After work came class, after class came thankfully more time with Fraggot. Then finally came bed. Or... no. Time to write that paper I forgot about. Now, finally at the end of the day I can go to bed after posting my feelings and thoughts. And my feelings are...

To hell with daylight savings and all of its problem making trouble.

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Ugh, Being Fit is GAY!!!!

I absolutely wish I was straight right now. Yeah, that's not really true, but let me explain my feelings. I'm not a shallow guy. I don't base relationships on hot bodies and gorgeous features (they don't hurt of course) but a large part of the gay population seems to (NOTE: refering mostly to gays my age of course, people get wiser as they get older it seems). I am slim. But I don't have abs, or really nice pecks, I do have nice legs. And apparently trying to get a lover without abs these days is like trying to get a good job without a college degree. So, I went personal trainer hunting. No, I'm not looking for a lover, I do have Fraggot, and he doesn't care about me having abs (he has enough muscles for the both of us, haha), but still, I want to be prepared if things don't work out with us once he's in Italy.

But I noticed that personal trainers don't look like they do on tv and movies. All the guys I met were about 40 , going bald, and looked rediculously like huge, muscular pigs. If I'm going to be bench pressing with someone standing over my head spotting me, I want to be looking up at a gorgeous man. And then I came to the thought of changing rooms or lockers. Maybe I do need to find a gym full of old, ugly men. I can't see myself acting very polite in a locker room full of young guys in various stages of undress or showering (know that song "Stop and Stare"... yeah).

Well, to wrap this up this is how I ultimately feel on the issue of being fit in the gay community. Do you see how many just ok guys walk around with beautiful women on their arms? Now how often do you see that happening with us queers? Right, like .000001% of the time (usually when the not so hot guy is rich). Ugh! I need to go eat my feelings away!!!

P.S. from Fraggot:

Hey yall, what's up? So, I'm Scott aka Fraggot. So, Jake just ran off to the bathroom and had this up. Only have a minute. Don't really have anything to say, just thought I would piss Jake off lol. LOVE HIM haha, but its fun :P JAKE IS SOOOO GAY!!!!!!!!

Blackberry B&B

So Fraggot surprised me yesterday and told me to pack my things and get ready to leave for 2 nights. So I did and he drove us up to this really nice B&B in the mountains. Therefore I am typing this on my Blackberry (which is none too easy). I think I saw a bear this morning (and I don't mean the big, hairy gay kind). Thing is I don't feel much like playing outside with bears. But we've brought our shotguns along and are going to shoot a couple rounds of skeet today.

Have you ever thought of what it would be like to just leave a city or town and just move into the wilderness? I thought about it for like five seconds before realizing that I would be hours away from a good restaurant, let alone a friendly bar for me and Fraggot. But still it is pretty here and you just sit and spend time with the one you love.

I know this blog is sounding all undramatic and sappy but that's only because I'm on break. I go back to school tomorrow. Yeah we're driving right from the mountains back to school... joy :(

Friday, March 12, 2010

Pretty Things and Shiny Faces

Ok, so I couldn't go to bed yet. Though I should because I have to be up at freeking 6 am on a Saturday (FML much?). But I was on the phone with my friend who lives in NYC, and he was telling me about his new found interest in skin care products.

Alright, lets take a stroll through a little background of me here. Yes, I am gay. No I do not wear make up, wash my hair everyday, spend more than 20 minutes in the bathroom, OR use skin care products (which I'm not knocking, I probably should take more care of my skin). Just want you to get a good mental image here, I am not a typical stereotype of homosexuality that most people have. I like football and beer, just as much as themed dinner parties with green apple martinis (YUM!!).

But here I am talking to my friend about skin care products whilst my boyfriend gives me the most wonderful back massage (Note to all: It is wonderful when you are not muscular but have a muscular boyfriend, he'll give great massages, but doesn't want you to reciprocate with your weak ones). And he is telling me that he just doesn't understand why his face was never shiny before. My mind pauses, and I think, and then tell him that his face was always a little shiny to me, I figured he just had oily skin (or greasy, I can't remember which word I used). Well that just pulled his pony tail. How was I to know that the shiny-ness is something desirable and obtained by banishing the oils from your skin and replacing them with hydrolic vitamin thingies or something like that. Ugh! So, he begins just going off into all these things I don't know nor care to know about skin care. And so I put the phone down and put it on speaker phone. Well, who gets into the conversation, but our one and only Fraggot. Yes! He has been secretly using these skin care products that I knew nothing about. I must say his skin is wonderful. And the two start going off on their own conversation. I love my boyfriend for many reasons, now I can add to it relating to my friends and rescuing me from very gay conversations.

After the conversation Scott (Ok, guess I'm switching around now, keep track, Scott=Fraggot) tells me that I have lots of pretty things. Thanks? I don't know what he means by that. Well, he tells me he likes the art I have. And the antiques I have. And the rug. In generall the decorum of my place. WTF where did this guy come from? He's never told me he like pretty things at all. Ever. Not once. Go antiquing? Him? Never! Apparently that conversation with a real life queen about skin care products just opened up all that repressed gayness inside his pretty little chest. Maybe now I can get him to the gay club. Won't hold my breath :P

Rain and Children

Its sooo wet today. But I love the rain. It freshens everything up and leaves the air feeling clean and crisp. At least in winter and spring here. And along with the rain came a very welcome day of staying indoors with Fraggot, just watching TV and some old movies. Its nice to just be with the one you love, when the rain is softly falling out doors and the wind is whisking by. We saw this very, very cute child on TV. He was adorable. I've always known that I want to have a child, but I had never brought up the topic with Fraggot before. And before I could even say how cute I thought this child was, Fraggot sits up and looks at me and asks, "Do you think you'll ever want a kid?". I decided to play it cool and just shrugged, said maybe, and asked if he did. "Hell yeah I do. I want a boy. I want someone to shoot with, teach to play football and baseball if he wants, and go dirt bikin' with. And, when he gets older I'll always let him use my car for dates with his girlfriends" etc. etc... He went on for like 15 minutes about what all he would do with his son. I don't think I ever realized how much I loved Fraggot before that exact moment. I mean, I knew he was a great guy, I knew that I did love him, but for a few minutes we got past the immature college/frat lifestyles he and I lead, and I got to see him as he could be. I then told him that I really, really do want a child or children. He and I talked for like an hour about how much fun it would be to be dads. And then he looked at me, really seriously, and said, "You know, I really, really, really love you." And the queen in me (which hardly ever comes out) exploded. I started crying, and he started laughing at me. And then he just kissed me, softly, and held my hand. Life sucks though. He's still going to Italy, and I would never ask him not to go, he needs to never regret not going. We've talked about it and we're going to try to do the long distance thing, but that just seems a little too long distance. We've discussed me going over this summer, or him only staying for half of the next school year. We'll have to see how things work out I guess. But I want the whole world to know that I LOVE SCOTT (Fraggot, yeah, I know I haven't used his name yet). Anywho, that's that. Off to bed loves!

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Porn and Chips

So Fraggot came over... with a porn flick. I hate porn, and he only watches it for "fun". And he brought a bag of chips. Chips? Who eats chips whilst watching two guys getting down? Apparently frat boys. I never see him eat chips except when he's watching porn. I asked him why he eats chips while watching porn, and he looked at me like I was really stupid. He said its because activities that take place while watching porn, burn enough calories for it to be ok for him to eat the chips. Keep in mind we're both college educated people, and something about that just seems a little not exactly true to me. But I let him have his fun thinking that he was being a healthy porn watcher. He got upset because I left the room. I told him that watching porn was not a team activity, that he could finish things up just fine by himself. You see, I've never really liked porn, there is something just off-putting about it. I mean, I loved it when I was freshly gay. But then when you've been in a relationship, it just seems sad watching it. Because if you're watching it you're probably alone. Unless of course you are Fraggot (side note to anyone who might be offended by my using the phrase "Fraggot", but I've called him that since we first met, and he loves it, so let us have our little nicknames. Thanks :) ). Anyways, I'm reading right now, with the sound of banging bedposts in the background, and my crazy boyfriend making exagerated noises of pleasure to get me to go back out.

He's just not as interesting as school work tonight.

Shouldn't at work... but things happen

So, I work. Yeah, I'm not one of those crazy, rich gays. The office that I work at is in a business park, and there is a company that like manages all the care for the buildings. None of their employees speak English, but I've been talking to this one Latino guy with my eyes lol ;) I worked late tonight, and all of a sudden I noticed him there, working on one of the doors to an office near my cubical. Every time I looked over he would smile, and reach up to the top hinge, stretching his really fit body. Hmmm... interesting how you don't need language to communicate. I got up and walked over to him and said, "hola". He laughed and said, "Hey, what's up". I turned really red, apparently I stereotyped when I said none of them speak English. He told me he had to see if the door would close, so I stepped into the office. It did close, and he checked the lock too. Next thing I know we're on the desk making out, then his shirt is on the floor and my hands are on his incredible body. Then, just as things are getting really hot... I hear a vaccuum... and wake up.

You really shouldn't fall asleep at work until closing, especially if you're still on the clock. But shit happens. And, just as a little side note, I wouldn't ever cheat on Fraggot. Plus he's only going to be with me for like another month and a half. Oh yeah, sad news to impart, Fraggot is going to Italy for an exchange, starting this summer for an internship and staying for the next school year. I still love him, and we're going to live up the next month, but still, sad times.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

British People Are My Drug

I love British guys. I mean, screwed up teeth and all, their accents make the vast majority of them gorgeous. I have to say, I don't find many American men heartachingly attractive, except of course Fraggot. But if a British guy is just the slightest bit cute I find him instantly hot. There are British people who live in my dorm, and I am such a perv around them I think. Like for instance, I will walk slower when I hear them behind me so I can look at them from behind (they work out and play soccer, they have nice arses), or when I go for a run, I might see one of them and divert my path to run the same way, or if I see the odd one out at the gay club (yes we have only 1) I will run up and do all I can to get a kiss (Fraggot can't be jealous, it wouldn't happen if he would go to the gay club with me). Mmmmmm, there is just really nothing better than a British accent... except when its on a really hot body. And come to think of it, I remember watching this interview with Prince Harry (you know the really cute one, his brother might get to be king, but he also looks like his dad) when I was in high school and that night I had this wonderful dream about how I married him and lived with him in a castle. Ahhh, oh well, if fairy tales never come true for straight girls, good luck to the gay boy right, haha.

Really? Third post in my first night??

I know. This is rediculous. I should stop. But OMG this fun! There is absolutely no one here to tell me to stfu (of course, there is also no one reading this, so its a little scarry... like I'm talking to my self). Well, there is one person. Fraggot is on speaker phone and I'm pretty much commenting on what I'm typing and he is telling me to stfu, but he's pretty so I let him get away with it. Ok. So here is what I decided needed to be typed. My list of beautiful gay men, well actors. I have this thing, right, where I hate it, hate it, hate it, when straight guys play gay men in gay movies. I mean, it gets your hopes up that you just might one day be able to make out with them, but then no, they're married to a super model and have 17 fucking children. Ugh, anyway. I have a list of beautiful gay men (fraggot's number one, but you can't have him, so I'm not putting him on the list :p). OK! (And they're not in any particular order)

1. Chad Allen
2. Neil Patrick Harris
3. Scott Evans
4. JOHN BARROWMAN (ok, I should have made him number one, but I'm too lazy to change things, but his is my favorite man. Fraggot even knows that if Barrowman were to ever propose to me (which would be sad, as he's married, and he and his husband are cute together) I would gladly accept and spend my life with him)
5. Tab Hunter (when he was young. OMG, breathless)
6. David Burtka
7. Eric Millegan (in a weird, nerd way)

That's all I have right now. I know I am forgetting some. On the off chance that anyone ever reads this, add to it! But only gay actors, none of those heterosexual dash-your-dreams actors. We can make another list for straight actors who we'd love to make gay on another post :)

Peace and Love dears!!! (Fraggot says "Take it easy bros". He does his best :) )

Random thought

So, I've just been getting over a serious bout of mono. And in trying to trace where I may have got it from (shared cup/bong with a roommate, beer bottles, the occasional girls my boyfriend apparently makes out with) I decided that it just really isn't fair that I got it. I mean, I can't drink for the next six weeks, I can't really kiss my very kissable boyfriend (even though he did kiss me today, as explained in the earlier post... cross your fingers that he stays healthy), and I can't run or do crunches, ergo I shall be fat by the time I am better. I mean, I apparently got this illness because someone else carelessly passed it on to me. So take this as a warning all you club kissing crazy gays out there. When you're swappin' spit with that cute, shirtless guy on the dance floor, think about not being able to drink... FOR SIX WEEKS!!! Anyway, I know that was a rediculous rant, but hey, what can I say. Fraggot says he thinks I'll be cuter with a little extra on me, (as he stared at a cute guy's ass. I don't know how his bros don't know he's gay. I mean he loves me and all, but the boy likes looking at a cute ass, and his frat house is filled with them). Oh well, we'll see. If he likes me chubby then he is the one. End of story, we're getting married ;)

Hellllloooooo :)

So, first blog is like the first date? Right? And I am horrible at those, so I'll prob just trash this too, but we'll see ;) So, what to say to all of my non-existent followers. I know! Why am I here? Simple, my friends got too tired of hearing my life story every day, which seems kind of sad to me, because my life really is interesting, fast paced, full of wonderful (sometimes exaggerated, I'll grant that) stories. But that's what comes of having boring friends I suppose. So, I figured, I'll throw it all up on-line and someone who has nothing better to do can take a look! Soooo... the name, right. Well, yeah, I'm in college and yep I'm queer, but that really has nothing to do with anything, I just couldn't think of another name, and all my friends call me the collegiate queer, so, there you are.

I'm at a university in the south. Yeah, the south, now you understand the "Non Fabulous" part right? My college life is hot, sticky, and full of sweaty men, and that is never in my room, no, that is outside almost every day of the school year as people walk to class. No, there are only a handful of other gays in my city, and they are all either arrogant, fabulously beautiful (and therefore not looking at me), or old enough to be my grandfather (which don't get me wrong, I think old gays are adorable, but I can't date one). I do have a man, I'll introduce you to him latah. Oh, and to give you a mental image, I am like a 7 on a cold-nonsweaty-nonwindy-well-lit-hair-friendly day. Not fat, but tooooooo lazy to work out therefore not built.

Let me give you an idea of my day, using, oh IDK, um... oh, how about today! Yes, that will work swimmingly! Ok, so I decided lately that I need a new suit, because all fashionable men should have a three piece tailored suit in their closet (along with their frat boyfriend, who has seemingly all but chained himself there, but I think I'm going to be pushing him out soon... need some space for the suit). So, I went out on a hunt. It should be noted that even though I am in the south the only things I hunt for are clothing, good deals, and gorgeous, rich men. Lo and behold, I found it. Yes it was perfect. But (yes there is always that but), I then needed a new pair of shoes. Again on the hunt. And found them! Perfect day right? No. Dress socks (which are impossible to find in the right color to match one's tie, which is naturally imperative) had to be found. So, again on the hunt. Alright, confusing pause in the story coming... now.

Boyfriend. Yes. He's a special character. He's gay. Very gay. But he is also in a fraternity. Yeah, fraternities are the oppressors of young gay college men. They pull out all the gay stops for their hazing ceremonies (which I can just imagine must have confused the hell out of the pledge master, as my "bro" must have just loved them), but then will beat you the hell down (and or just pressure you out I guess) if you are gay. So, technically I have a boyfriend, but we don't go on dates in public in the city, or hold hands in the theater, or go dance together in a club, and he will only spend the night in my dorm room if my roommate's are gone and/or getting blazed. Do I like him? Yes. Am I keeping him? Debatable. Just listen to the rest of my rambling story.

Aight, back to the mall. So I am skipping along (ok, not really, I'm not that gay) to Banana Republic (God's little gift to my red-neck, camo clogged, southern mall). And who do I see? Kissing a girl (I'm inclined to scream "SLUT" at this point, but I don't know who it would be directed too)? Yes, my fraggot (Frat faggot, I'm sure you would have figured it out, but thought I would save you several potential minutes). So, I swallow the drama, just building up inside, and walk by. Slooowwwlllllyyyy. He looks over as they are laughing about something. Looks at me, and (he's lucky I noticed this) turns whiter than a republican convention. I just smile and say, "Yo, 'sup brah", and walk by. I the girl ask, "Oh is he one of your brothers". No answer. He just says by, and runs up next to me.

Ok, he's gorgeous. Blond hair, blue eyes, gold skin, white teeth, fit, wonderful legs and never has bad breath. But, looks aren't everything. He hurriedly started explaining things. He even called me "babe" in public, forgetting I guess that I think it is ridiculous when people in love call each other "baby" or "babe", I mean I absolutely hate it. But, still, affection in public, it was enough to make me listen for a second. He told me he had to find a date for this frat thing. And he was getting this girl to help me. Because she doesn't go to our school, and therefore no one would know her, or know that he dropped her after that night. So why the kiss? Well, things had to be done to "seal the deal". A little flirting here and there. So, I told him that I would hate to be holding him back from a straight life. I would be horrified if he was just being gay because he had fooled around with me once and didn't know how to get out. But no. He assured me that it was just for this one night. That he just had to take her to the party to have a date, and look like one of the bro's, and yeah, he'd have to make out with her a little, "but it's gross I promise, nothing like kissin' you babe."

Well, we talked about it over lunch, and I let him know just how awful it made me feel to be in a relationship, in which I just had to be a big secret visited on weekends and sometimes for lunch during the week. And he kept on with the, "once we're out of college" blah, blah, blah b.s. But then the most wonderful thing happened. THE MOST FREEKING WONDERFUL THING IN THE WHOLE WIDE ENTIRE EXTENSIVE WORLD!!! I told him that the only way I would consider letting this slide is if he kissed me right there in the middle of the mall. A right proper kiss at that. No little peck or some shit like that. And he stood up, right in front of me, and reached out his hand. I held it and stood up, and he kissed me. Right there in public. In the midst of all the old people out shopping. He kissed me for a full hour it felt like, even though it obviously wasn't. And he only stopped when some old man walked by and said, "Fags". At which my brave, courageous, apparently loving fraggot jumped backwards like he had been shot and nearly passed out in his chair. But still. The moment was special for me.

That night, he also told me he decided to go stag to the party. So I suppose all is well. Maybe he'll venture a little further out of the closet each week. One can only hope.

And I never did find dress socks.