Porn and Chips

So Fraggot came over... with a porn flick. I hate porn, and he only watches it for "fun". And he brought a bag of chips. Chips? Who eats chips whilst watching two guys getting down? Apparently frat boys. I never see him eat chips except when he's watching porn. I asked him why he eats chips while watching porn, and he looked at me like I was really stupid. He said its because activities that take place while watching porn, burn enough calories for it to be ok for him to eat the chips. Keep in mind we're both college educated people, and something about that just seems a little not exactly true to me. But I let him have his fun thinking that he was being a healthy porn watcher. He got upset because I left the room. I told him that watching porn was not a team activity, that he could finish things up just fine by himself. You see, I've never really liked porn, there is something just off-putting about it. I mean, I loved it when I was freshly gay. But then when you've been in a relationship, it just seems sad watching it. Because if you're watching it you're probably alone. Unless of course you are Fraggot (side note to anyone who might be offended by my using the phrase "Fraggot", but I've called him that since we first met, and he loves it, so let us have our little nicknames. Thanks :) ). Anyways, I'm reading right now, with the sound of banging bedposts in the background, and my crazy boyfriend making exagerated noises of pleasure to get me to go back out.

He's just not as interesting as school work tonight.

Shouldn't at work... but things happen

So, I work. Yeah, I'm not one of those crazy, rich gays. The office that I work at is in a business park, and there is a company that like manages all the care for the buildings. None of their employees speak English, but I've been talking to this one Latino guy with my eyes lol ;) I worked late tonight, and all of a sudden I noticed him there, working on one of the doors to an office near my cubical. Every time I looked over he would smile, and reach up to the top hinge, stretching his really fit body. Hmmm... interesting how you don't need language to communicate. I got up and walked over to him and said, "hola". He laughed and said, "Hey, what's up". I turned really red, apparently I stereotyped when I said none of them speak English. He told me he had to see if the door would close, so I stepped into the office. It did close, and he checked the lock too. Next thing I know we're on the desk making out, then his shirt is on the floor and my hands are on his incredible body. Then, just as things are getting really hot... I hear a vaccuum... and wake up.

You really shouldn't fall asleep at work until closing, especially if you're still on the clock. But shit happens. And, just as a little side note, I wouldn't ever cheat on Fraggot. Plus he's only going to be with me for like another month and a half. Oh yeah, sad news to impart, Fraggot is going to Italy for an exchange, starting this summer for an internship and staying for the next school year. I still love him, and we're going to live up the next month, but still, sad times.

British People Are My Drug

I love British guys. I mean, screwed up teeth and all, their accents make the vast majority of them gorgeous. I have to say, I don't find many American men heartachingly attractive, except of course Fraggot. But if a British guy is just the slightest bit cute I find him instantly hot. There are British people who live in my dorm, and I am such a perv around them I think. Like for instance, I will walk slower when I hear them behind me so I can look at them from behind (they work out and play soccer, they have nice arses), or when I go for a run, I might see one of them and divert my path to run the same way, or if I see the odd one out at the gay club (yes we have only 1) I will run up and do all I can to get a kiss (Fraggot can't be jealous, it wouldn't happen if he would go to the gay club with me). Mmmmmm, there is just really nothing better than a British accent... except when its on a really hot body. And come to think of it, I remember watching this interview with Prince Harry (you know the really cute one, his brother might get to be king, but he also looks like his dad) when I was in high school and that night I had this wonderful dream about how I married him and lived with him in a castle. Ahhh, oh well, if fairy tales never come true for straight girls, good luck to the gay boy right, haha.

Really? Third post in my first night??

I know. This is rediculous. I should stop. But OMG this fun! There is absolutely no one here to tell me to stfu (of course, there is also no one reading this, so its a little scarry... like I'm talking to my self). Well, there is one person. Fraggot is on speaker phone and I'm pretty much commenting on what I'm typing and he is telling me to stfu, but he's pretty so I let him get away with it. Ok. So here is what I decided needed to be typed. My list of beautiful gay men, well actors. I have this thing, right, where I hate it, hate it, hate it, when straight guys play gay men in gay movies. I mean, it gets your hopes up that you just might one day be able to make out with them, but then no, they're married to a super model and have 17 fucking children. Ugh, anyway. I have a list of beautiful gay men (fraggot's number one, but you can't have him, so I'm not putting him on the list :p). OK! (And they're not in any particular order)

1. Chad Allen
2. Neil Patrick Harris
3. Scott Evans
4. JOHN BARROWMAN (ok, I should have made him number one, but I'm too lazy to change things, but his is my favorite man. Fraggot even knows that if Barrowman were to ever propose to me (which would be sad, as he's married, and he and his husband are cute together) I would gladly accept and spend my life with him)
5. Tab Hunter (when he was young. OMG, breathless)
6. David Burtka
7. Eric Millegan (in a weird, nerd way)

That's all I have right now. I know I am forgetting some. On the off chance that anyone ever reads this, add to it! But only gay actors, none of those heterosexual dash-your-dreams actors. We can make another list for straight actors who we'd love to make gay on another post :)

Peace and Love dears!!! (Fraggot says "Take it easy bros". He does his best :) )

Random thought

So, I've just been getting over a serious bout of mono. And in trying to trace where I may have got it from (shared cup/bong with a roommate, beer bottles, the occasional girls my boyfriend apparently makes out with) I decided that it just really isn't fair that I got it. I mean, I can't drink for the next six weeks, I can't really kiss my very kissable boyfriend (even though he did kiss me today, as explained in the earlier post... cross your fingers that he stays healthy), and I can't run or do crunches, ergo I shall be fat by the time I am better. I mean, I apparently got this illness because someone else carelessly passed it on to me. So take this as a warning all you club kissing crazy gays out there. When you're swappin' spit with that cute, shirtless guy on the dance floor, think about not being able to drink... FOR SIX WEEKS!!! Anyway, I know that was a rediculous rant, but hey, what can I say. Fraggot says he thinks I'll be cuter with a little extra on me, (as he stared at a cute guy's ass. I don't know how his bros don't know he's gay. I mean he loves me and all, but the boy likes looking at a cute ass, and his frat house is filled with them). Oh well, we'll see. If he likes me chubby then he is the one. End of story, we're getting married ;)

Hellllloooooo :)

So, first blog is like the first date? Right? And I am horrible at those, so I'll prob just trash this too, but we'll see ;) So, what to say to all of my non-existent followers. I know! Why am I here? Simple, my friends got too tired of hearing my life story every day, which seems kind of sad to me, because my life really is interesting, fast paced, full of wonderful (sometimes exaggerated, I'll grant that) stories. But that's what comes of having boring friends I suppose. So, I figured, I'll throw it all up on-line and someone who has nothing better to do can take a look! Soooo... the name, right. Well, yeah, I'm in college and yep I'm queer, but that really has nothing to do with anything, I just couldn't think of another name, and all my friends call me the collegiate queer, so, there you are.

I'm at a university in the south. Yeah, the south, now you understand the "Non Fabulous" part right? My college life is hot, sticky, and full of sweaty men, and that is never in my room, no, that is outside almost every day of the school year as people walk to class. No, there are only a handful of other gays in my city, and they are all either arrogant, fabulously beautiful (and therefore not looking at me), or old enough to be my grandfather (which don't get me wrong, I think old gays are adorable, but I can't date one). I do have a man, I'll introduce you to him latah. Oh, and to give you a mental image, I am like a 7 on a cold-nonsweaty-nonwindy-well-lit-hair-friendly day. Not fat, but tooooooo lazy to work out therefore not built.

Let me give you an idea of my day, using, oh IDK, um... oh, how about today! Yes, that will work swimmingly! Ok, so I decided lately that I need a new suit, because all fashionable men should have a three piece tailored suit in their closet (along with their frat boyfriend, who has seemingly all but chained himself there, but I think I'm going to be pushing him out soon... need some space for the suit). So, I went out on a hunt. It should be noted that even though I am in the south the only things I hunt for are clothing, good deals, and gorgeous, rich men. Lo and behold, I found it. Yes it was perfect. But (yes there is always that but), I then needed a new pair of shoes. Again on the hunt. And found them! Perfect day right? No. Dress socks (which are impossible to find in the right color to match one's tie, which is naturally imperative) had to be found. So, again on the hunt. Alright, confusing pause in the story coming... now.

Boyfriend. Yes. He's a special character. He's gay. Very gay. But he is also in a fraternity. Yeah, fraternities are the oppressors of young gay college men. They pull out all the gay stops for their hazing ceremonies (which I can just imagine must have confused the hell out of the pledge master, as my "bro" must have just loved them), but then will beat you the hell down (and or just pressure you out I guess) if you are gay. So, technically I have a boyfriend, but we don't go on dates in public in the city, or hold hands in the theater, or go dance together in a club, and he will only spend the night in my dorm room if my roommate's are gone and/or getting blazed. Do I like him? Yes. Am I keeping him? Debatable. Just listen to the rest of my rambling story.

Aight, back to the mall. So I am skipping along (ok, not really, I'm not that gay) to Banana Republic (God's little gift to my red-neck, camo clogged, southern mall). And who do I see? Kissing a girl (I'm inclined to scream "SLUT" at this point, but I don't know who it would be directed too)? Yes, my fraggot (Frat faggot, I'm sure you would have figured it out, but thought I would save you several potential minutes). So, I swallow the drama, just building up inside, and walk by. Slooowwwlllllyyyy. He looks over as they are laughing about something. Looks at me, and (he's lucky I noticed this) turns whiter than a republican convention. I just smile and say, "Yo, 'sup brah", and walk by. I the girl ask, "Oh is he one of your brothers". No answer. He just says by, and runs up next to me.

Ok, he's gorgeous. Blond hair, blue eyes, gold skin, white teeth, fit, wonderful legs and never has bad breath. But, looks aren't everything. He hurriedly started explaining things. He even called me "babe" in public, forgetting I guess that I think it is ridiculous when people in love call each other "baby" or "babe", I mean I absolutely hate it. But, still, affection in public, it was enough to make me listen for a second. He told me he had to find a date for this frat thing. And he was getting this girl to help me. Because she doesn't go to our school, and therefore no one would know her, or know that he dropped her after that night. So why the kiss? Well, things had to be done to "seal the deal". A little flirting here and there. So, I told him that I would hate to be holding him back from a straight life. I would be horrified if he was just being gay because he had fooled around with me once and didn't know how to get out. But no. He assured me that it was just for this one night. That he just had to take her to the party to have a date, and look like one of the bro's, and yeah, he'd have to make out with her a little, "but it's gross I promise, nothing like kissin' you babe."

Well, we talked about it over lunch, and I let him know just how awful it made me feel to be in a relationship, in which I just had to be a big secret visited on weekends and sometimes for lunch during the week. And he kept on with the, "once we're out of college" blah, blah, blah b.s. But then the most wonderful thing happened. THE MOST FREEKING WONDERFUL THING IN THE WHOLE WIDE ENTIRE EXTENSIVE WORLD!!! I told him that the only way I would consider letting this slide is if he kissed me right there in the middle of the mall. A right proper kiss at that. No little peck or some shit like that. And he stood up, right in front of me, and reached out his hand. I held it and stood up, and he kissed me. Right there in public. In the midst of all the old people out shopping. He kissed me for a full hour it felt like, even though it obviously wasn't. And he only stopped when some old man walked by and said, "Fags". At which my brave, courageous, apparently loving fraggot jumped backwards like he had been shot and nearly passed out in his chair. But still. The moment was special for me.

That night, he also told me he decided to go stag to the party. So I suppose all is well. Maybe he'll venture a little further out of the closet each week. One can only hope.

And I never did find dress socks.